im going insane

2012-01-18T22:38:00.003+08:00

hmm
posting results will be out real soon man
29th
anyway mj is my first choice tpj is my second..
te rest i bullshit
anyway i just felt i need to air this out of me

im nt a robot yknw
i mean i knw it seems like i dont have
emotions/feelings at all
but truth is i have a lot of feelings and emotions
and they occasionally crop up
bt i suppress my feelings and put thm aside
cause the feelings i get
you've no idea how mixd they are
i mean
i feel love,sympathy,guilt
and these feelings would be really amplified bt i quickly put
them aside
cause it makes me pening
like i cnt do another thing without still thnking abt it
abt u
i mean thts why it seems only u have feelings and emotions bt i do too
its juz i prefer nt to face them head on cause ill only be sad
and emo etc..
anyway haish
well u dont have a blog anymore
or maybe u dont want me to knw whr ur blog is anymore
so i guess
ill juz have to live without ever getting an answer
doesnt matter lah haiy
right now im juz half praying ur gg the same jc as me
bt whatre the chances?

2012-01-08T00:21:00.002+08:00

o lvl results on monday woooo
anxious till i couldnt sleep fr 2 nights
well just hope to get 8 to 11 wud be good
hmm
ive been thnking abt jc a lot lately
and about friends i might see thr
primary school friend maybe
anyways i gt all my stuff fr sch rdy
except the books ofcourse
lol and syaf and me are planning to go afiq's house first in the morning
maybe
and perhaps we'll eat lunch together before results
and catch a movie aftrwards if we're feeling
alright lol
whatever it is
i guess over the weeks of holidays
ive realised
most important of all that i need friends
and tht i dont need to be in a relationship
no matter how much peer pressure is on me
i thnk deep down i know
im too young to love
what i want is just to have awesome friends
who'll stick by each other
true to each other
and i realised too
tht i shouldnt stereotype students from other schools
i mean being fr vs
i forgot what hw to mix freely with neighbourhood peeps
bt rly over the course of the holiday i guess ive seen many
diff neighbourhood students
all so alike me
more so thn my vs peeps
who're all so keen about social hierarchy etc.
these peeps dont have ths ego thing or social hierarchy thing gg on
so they're generally easier to get along with
and theyre a lot more of them tht abide by
religious responsibilities thn i earlier imagine
anyway went tp open house last thursday met rahmat
awesome
so anyway monday
all the best to all those receiving results

2011-12-23T17:42:00.003+08:00

woohoo awesome
my sis bought fr me my long awaited
vans shoe
awesome feeling getting to buy the shoe i always wantd to buy
maroon
plus ytd my mum blanja me this long sleeve t shirt
frm uniqlo
awesome
16 more days (more or less) to results
our time is running out
need to get a couple of other shirts one jeans frm denizen
and get all my pants adjusted
cause for a very long time now
my pants banyak too long or to big
so i thnk its rly time i gt some modest neat clothes
just dont wanna be selekeh uh
so anyway i completed watching covert affairs rdy
heroes too
just spamming mentalist
the vamp diaries supernatural and human target
a lot uh lol
and im bored of fifa12 cuz playing against computer
with difficulty of professional using keyboard is hopeless
rly so hard
and aftr some cross reference
my friends aso dont play with com
its juz too good and boring to
so my 50 part to-do list
i thnk i shud throw away ajer uh
bikin geram je
i mean
so many things all nvr gt to do fr lotsa reasons
bt mainly cash
cash
i need cash to go uss
i need cash to go johor wif some friends
i need cash to go bowling
anyway here's a summary of what ive done in this hols
watch 1 movie
buy 1 street soccer shoe(thn nvr rly use it now)
buy my vans shoe
buy a long sleeve t shirt
play soccer at my place couple of times
play soccer at syafs place couple of times
play field soccer at pasir ris pri oonce
go cycling 3 times lol i knw this part awesome
went swimming 2 times (both at tamp,
havent get to try sengkang punyer)
partly cause of the weather cuz it kept raining bt nvm
erm
myspex tournament gotta rmbr tht man
oh actually watchd movie twice
the first time with aziz and syaf the three musketeers
second time with nurdin and syaf your th apple of my eye
thn
went airport and to school fr fun wif syaf
went penin couple of times with nurdin and some arab guys
ohh soccer with arab guys too
arab bbq
watchd all my downloaded series
watchd thor
play fifa like 14 seasons i thnk more.. in a week
thn play again restart
oh oh oh cousin's wedding
sleepover at rahmat's house
watchd 3 matches in a row thr awesome
eat a lot of fastfood..lately
playd soccer couple of times directly aftr o's
i rmbr on friday and monday..last 2 pprs
lol i realised what i didnt do so far
is text anybody
been rly anti social lately
i mean thrs a story to everyone i wanna text to
so no point
A likes to bastard me though actually it is my fault dulu
B keep blaming me here and thr no need to talk uh
talk aso like on the surface..like the conversation goes no whr
C just isnt my type dk why i even knw this person
D not online always tkya ckp sudah
.. just some examples uh
so like i get rly lazy
like i thnk last 2 weeks especially
i dont wanna tok to anybody
and i din even wanna play soccer
just too lazy to bother
the more u care the more u have to lose
and likewise the more u bother the more u get tired
i mean nk plan bola punyer susah fr me
i dont gt th numbers
ball aso nt mine
hahahaa
anyway tdy was awesome la i mean
i solat at masjid sultan man
i thnk tht on its own could have made my day
i mean it was something different
and it was awesome
anyway aftr watching so much of mentalist and influencing from rahmat
i wanna be like him man
i mean he's so cool he makes educated guesses abt a persons character
based on the person actions and reactions
i mean he's an impressive person
someone i wanna be
bt u knw
i realised something
its just nt me
i mean i dont go around bastarding ppl with a smile
at least nt ppl i dont knw well
and i dont want to be mean in the future
i dont want to be different frm what i am
as i am genuinely nice i wanna keep it tht way
except tht ppl nvr appreciate it
and thts what makes me want to be different and be mean
cause when ur mean and ur good at it
ur respected strangely enough
idk man
im just scared my results terok cnt go vj mj all
and i must study rdy in jc
oh and i just rmbrd abt rong zuns offer
to join qnps camp fr nxt year..
idk man im nt sure i wanna see a friend's face thr
i mean its just gna be awkward like all the other times
and itll nvr work out ,right? so why bother
so i guess this is probably one of the longest post ive ever made on this blog
bt i guess ive written down all my qualms
i feel satisfied
at least fr now
i just hope now
tht
ill continue being what i am and who i am
till jc
study and mug like shit (unlike in secondary sch)
hope my parents panjang umur dengan kesihatan
so at least ill be much older and stronger whn they actually pass on
cuz i dont thnk ill be strong enuf in jc
and i hope i continue practicing my religion
tkmu stray away
and hopefully just have a good2 life
get a pious wife
bring up good children
and just prepare fr the end times
and fr judgement day and for the eternal life tht comes aftr

2011-12-14T19:26:00.003+08:00

watched "you're the apple of my eye" today
great movie abt teenagers like us
studying in school and our feelings
well fr me and the guys i watchd wif it was awesome
funny too
i juz dislike the ending
the main guy nvr got the girl
it irks me
bt oh well
anyway damn pist off right now
no money
cnt even play soccer tomorrow
the shit right
so im still gna play soccer tomorrow
idc

2011-12-13T20:50:00.003+08:00

yeah man
im feeling much better as compared to th other day
so anyway
abt what u said

yeah juz forget abt me alright..
i wont stop reading ur blog though..
bt u dont have to care abt me

so anyway
tmr soccer in th morning
aftr a long2 time
cause it kept raining recently
and juz went to th airport this evening to
rmbr the good old days studying at th airport
thn we went park way and passed by vs
what a wonderful memory
the school i had dreamt of entering as p6 student
th fact tht i wantd to go to vs makes me
somewhat appreciate my place here more thn some others
the satisfaction i had when i gt to vs was even greater
its a pity i didn't try to accomplish more for myself before i left
bt i shouldn't fret over the past
i meet great new friends here
i meet new people with different personalities
i got to see society differently
rather thn whn i was in pri sch
ofcourse i still cherish my primary school memories
each of my memories r unique
and they juz bring out funny feelings in me
whn i rmbr
funny sounds funny here lol
anyway its been a wonderful journey
and it feels like if i could stay on
i would
bt like they say all good things come to an end
i guess vs ain't different
its alrdy december
wat breeze
it still feels as though i juz ended my O's
i juz hope tomorrow on results day
i'll be as jubilant and cheerful as i am now
and whatever the future holds
i dont want to fear change
i want to take on the future with no brakes
all out and no more looking back
anyway in the coming month or so
i should pretty much nvr be a kid anymore
i mean i dont expect to celebrate scoring a goal like a kid
and i dont want to play com till late night
and laugh abt stupid lame jokes all the time
its abt time i grew up
lol
cuz i noticed vs made me so childish in the sense
tht i became to playful
life not a game so
i guess i need to change when i enter jc
grab a hold of reality..
im nt a kid anymore
what i do from thn on will have implications

2011-12-09T21:50:00.003+08:00

yknow the feeling
when u have a problem
bt its juz not right to be sharing them with other people?
i feel stuck now
having quite a heavy heart
bt not being able to share it with anyone
i thought abt u
thought abt talking to u
bt no i cant
i juz dont know how to say this even
how to give u th idea of th problem im facing
without giving it away

so anyway
saw syahirah today
she was in front of me bt she din recognise me
haha hello syahirah, if u read this
anyway i wasnt sure if it was her too

oh and planned to go swimming tdy bt
it rained so oh welll
oh God
i've nvr felt this sort of heavy heart feeling before
extremely mixed emotions now
doubt,uncertainty,fear just to name a few
i hope in a few days i wont feel this way
hopefully

2011-11-25T00:46:00.000+08:00

hey peeps..
so anyway

firstly im nt gg to deny tht
i forgot to wish u
bcuz i dont thnk its right fr me to
lie abt this and tht u deserve to
knw th truth
so im gg wish u here aites
happy 16th dear friend :)
i might've forgotten ur birthday bt i havent forgotten u k
pls dont be upset

k anyway i juz thought abt this
i srsly long to have proper conversation
wif u
i mean why r we communicating like
ths lol

k now abt this other friend
u ah always nvr reply me
why uhh.. thn slalu buat suspense je uh
everytime u dont reply uh
i wish i was matt frm heroes
who cn read minds..

hahahaha
chill peeps o's sua habes hahahahaha
ive been saying this non stop
whenever ur stressed
abt sth.. rmbr
O's sudah habes

oh n we shud meet up u.. i wanna tok

2011-11-14T19:32:00.002+08:00

O's are over man!
bt i guess nothing much changes..
everythings the same
tmr morn gg to ubai house.. cuz i gt nth to do either what so
yeah i thnk soccer aftr tht
i hope any of my friends reading this will contact me uh
cuz i might forget to keep in touch with yall
especially if i keep on playing soccer
and try to carry out my 50-point to-do-list
ciao

2011-10-01T17:32:00.000+08:00

ohh well 3 weeks to o's
mock exams juz ended tdy.. nxt week last week of sch..grad night on friday..
ohh ive been thnking abt vj..
and im juz scared i frigging gt no friends gg thr
all of em gg mj or poly.. and
sry uh bt i dont clique wif orang cina(kafir)
thn vj nt mny malays..i dont wnna end up in vj
and thn be so depressed cuz i cnt fit in
(wif orng kafir)
i mean im more comfortable wif my
malay friends
so anyway fr th first time i tot bt mj.. idk..
if i go vj..thr r pros and cons
if i go mj thr r pros and cons
if i go vj..i gt masjid nearby all th time
thn if i wnna go baalwie gt 48..straight bus
bt tk bnyk melayu thr..confirm tk best
bt if i go mj.. istighfr jauh siket.. omar syafie afiq(insyaAllah all go thr)
plus syahmi.. and syafie's house so close
confirm everyday cn play soccer.. bt
mj retains a lot of ppl so im scared i
kena retain(dont wanna waste 1 year of my life)
thn mj is much further away frm baalwie..
and idk my friends probably knw what i thnk of mj..
we'll see how it goes lah..tonight
man utd vs norwich
maybe watching..anyway im rly scared th other day gt a damn strong wind
suddenly..near midnight..
it juz totally reminded me of doomsday
hari kiamat and how close we are to it
sheikh imran hosein even said
he estimates we might meet th day
bcuz almost all th small signs have been met
skyscrapers,th shortness of time
left th bigger signs
dabbatul ardh (creature of th earth who cn talk)
th imposter christ,christ and mahdi
i hope me and my family
and my friends and all those closest to me
will nt fall fr dajjal's trap..in short
i hope to see all those in my heart in th hereaftr
in paradise insyaAllah..

2011-09-19T21:01:00.000+08:00

woah..its been a long time since
i visited my blog and urs fr th matter
recently deactivated my fb cuz im juz too distracted..o's are so close.. nt m results are good kan..im afraid even my stronger subjects fail on me like a maths..
and e maths too.. doing some ss seq now..rly hope everything i do will improve my grade
and hey who says u cnt make it to vj!!
ofcourse u can i mean compared wif me
well yeah vj is still my aim..
even though its been confirmed
im nt gettng my cca points haiy
so anyway raya da berlalu and i thnk throughout raya i din post teros
hmm
raya wif th vs guys was awesome
wif arabic peeps too
bt well yeah thr were things we cudve done better
so anyway.. tmr last lesson of third lang..gna be rly sad cuz ive rly enjoyed third lang more thn school..cuz its more slack especially sec 1 to sec3 when we had 2 day lessons and time on our hands b4 class
sec 4 swicth to 1 day and so cramp no time to chill mann.. hmmm
these r memories i will cherish
anyways hahaha syaf and me cam jiwa uh skrang
we so close which is a gd thing
since my DISC profile
says i prefer few friends bt closer ones
hmmm im dreaming abt aftr o's.. wonder if my mum will allow me to like ' mummy, nak keluar? '
' pegi maner'
'oh keluar jer'
yeah get th picture?
cuz all this while i oni have 3 official reasons to go out
and i dont lie
1 jumpa cousin
2 maen bola (cnt so often)
3 pegi library blaja
so yeah u feel my pain.. hmmmm
wonder whr id go aftr o's wif syaf and th guys or girls fr tht matter hahaha
k la wasted 20 minutes rdy
bye

2011-08-26T00:33:00.002+08:00

yes..prelims are over officially
tmr playing soccer in th morning
preparing fr the teachers day soccer tournament
and im playing left forward
which shows how everyone expects me to be scoring fr thm
bt im feeling damn pressured
cause its 11 a side..
and its onli 3 days aftr raya so means my
stamina still weak
playd soccer tdy aftr a maths ppr2
which was a killer
anyway, went baalwie wif syaf tdy
woohoo
his dad and datok were thr too
so okay best uh
tmr aftr soccer meeting my cousin
gg to buy yankees cap thn probably go home aftr jumaat soso
nid to help my mum clean my messy house
thn go terawih again
tmr is the 27th night,special night
maybe go qiyam..
anyway woohoo orals are over too..
lol last week
questions were pretty manageable
i felt nervous actually
bt when th moment arrived, managed to speak confidently
haiy..nxt week wednesday and thursday gt arabic prelims pulak
haiyy
nvm
anyway its been a great month
time to move on with a new inspiration
to do better
hope to get my results by nxt week
60+ days to o lvls gta remind myself

2011-08-15T20:34:00.000+08:00

haiy... tdy ss and el ppr 1 done
tmr emaths ppr 1 and el ppr 2
belum blaja padahal i was home since
err 1 30..now is like 9 i thnk..
has been on th bed since buka..
anyway somebody unexpectd is treating
me badly so..fine..u want it tht way

on a different note,
i read ur twitter so many mentions of m
and i nvr gt to see how he rly looks like
bt nah dont care lah
doesnt matter
read ur blog too..
just so u know i actually do read ur blog
hope u grndfthr is okay

2011-08-12T18:17:00.003+08:00

hmmm
arabic oral o lvls just
ohh ho
hahaha
i screwd up
reading passage though with all th baris
baris i confused
takda "ta" i tambah
hahahaha
gameover Muz
thn the conversation
i couldnt thnk of what to say also
one point of time thr was a damn long pause
and i was staring at ustaz and he was staring bak at me
and he dint ask me questions
cuz i thnk his quota was exceeded alrdy
haiyy
nvm
this shud motivate me to study too since the cmng friday
is el orals and this monday marks the start of prelim2
mock test result catastrophic la
somemore ma'am said prelim was gg to be harder thn tht slightly
haiyy
12 days of puasa alrdy so far
so fast da 2 weeks
so far have been gg to baalwie so im happy
bt tired cuz ive been sleeping late
and da lama tk maen bola
even aftr i bought my warrior shoe
just have to wait fr raya
until thn i must remind myself to study
tmr must bangun awal and blajar
to replace all th time ive wasted th last 3 months since prelim 1
anyway good riddance to arabic orals
in fact cnt wait
to say goodbye to arabic as a whole
anyway i realised i understand arabic terms
in religion better idk why
maybe cuz thrs interest
until thn..

2011-08-09T00:32:00.000+08:00

hello..
anyway slamat berpuasa kepada semua
moga dirahmati Ilahi

puasa has been awesome lately
bt i no time to study
so far everynite wentto baalwie
which is awesome
so anyway i joind th guys fr qiyam th other day
gd experience la
and yes i gt all my baggy pants and th ones
tht r lengthy altrd..so now they fit nicely..
and i gt warrior shoes woohoo
awesome la whn i play soccer wif thm
tmr no sch hope to study
syaf go malaysia lol..
awesome la bye2

2011-07-24T18:04:00.003+08:00

there is this saying in harry potter series

"the more you care,the more you have to lose"

im tired of caring abt everything
just want to get through th o lvls well
relax play soccer and join a band

2011-07-19T21:35:00.002+08:00

haish..
i ll pray tht u get better
and tht itll nvr haunt u again
bt tht is all i can offer to u
ill pray tht u attain happiness
and tht everything turns out fine fr u

2011-07-13T23:11:00.000+08:00

so what is it u want to tell me..

anyway its rly confusing..whn i get mixed responses frm u..
u say my secret ur secret.. thn u make me jealous wif ur nxt post.. haiy..pape uh
who am i to be jeles eh anyway

2011-07-11T22:13:00.000+08:00

i guess i secretly love u..
bt whats holding me back
im afraid of th consequences
of a relationship..
im afraid i lose myself..
which i alrdy am experiencing..
sometimes im so sentitive..
sometimes i just blow up..
im afraid its th wrong time
im afraid i screw up again
i afraid history repeats itself
i wanna be sure..
bt i knw nows nt th time
i nid to get to knw u better..
i dont want to make a really long post now
cuz im tired
and i guess im feeling better
went fr night study programme tdy
i rly benefitted tdy i guess
tmr is 2.4.. thn arab thn arab rehearsals
long day ahead and i juz reachd home
i just hope whatever happens
we'll be friends and maybe now everythings a little bt clearer..

2011-07-10T00:37:00.000+08:00

i dont get it
couldnt u put it in really simple english
or did i just terasa th post was fr me?
yknw i rly dont noe wht to thnk
ur a nice person in terms of attitude
yet frm wht i hear u dont practice ur religion
anyway who am i to question
bt this thoughts always cross my mind
i wonder what type person you are
bcuz i realise i dont rly noe u..
nvr saw this side tht m saw of u..
well..wtv la
yknw almost 2 months aso..
ur contact name in my phone had a heart sign
which i nvr erase yet ive erased it
and th joker card i wrote on which i wantd to give to u...
i kept it in my wallet..
until abt 2-3 months ago
b4 i decided..thrs no point keeping it
friends question abt it bt well
its 1 am and im thnking abt all this..
screw it la
watever happens
ill jus accept what it is.. move on wif
life
i dont wanna be a loser th rest of my life

2011-07-08T23:55:00.000+08:00

physics rev test dam hard..
i found it harder than prelim 1 man
and chem rev test results still nt out haish
mann i cnt wait fr victoria challenge
nxt saturday man..
gna bring soccer ball
sleeping bag
towels
extra money to order food
sejadah
soo gna enjoy man..wish i cud sleepover in sch more often.. this will aftr all
be my last yr in vs
th best time of life are in vs
aftr all
ohh and puasa is arnd th corner
arnd 21 days to puasa..
kepada semua selamat berpuasa
dan beribadah dlm bulan ramadhan

2011-07-08T23:41:00.000+08:00

i dont ever wanna thnk abt us ever again
im juz useless
thr is no point
thr nvr will be anything betwn us
i cnt play a guitar
i dont wake up early
im boring to tok to
i dont listen to music tht ppl listen
nobody shares th same interests as me..
im different

i guess i nvr wanna try to get u ever again

im juz gna find a corner
to emo

'engkau bagai air yg jernih
di dalam bekas yang berdebu
zahirnya kotoran itu terlihat
kesucian terlindung jua
cinta bukan hanya di mata
cinta hadir di dlm jiwa
biarlah salah dimata mereka
biar perbezaan terlihat antara kita
ku harapkan kau kan terima
walau dipandang hina'

2011-07-02T19:39:00.002+08:00

wow..

first week of school just passed

114 days keft to th first written paper

english

haish and my arabic exam is even earlier

com is spoilt fr almost 2-3 weeks

my sis still havent gt the warranty

bt maybe its better tht way

now at syafies house using his com

juz playd soccer

hmmm

so busy ths week cnt meet my cousin

srs man..i wish i have more time

to play and study and go out

bt wait

yeah i shudve done tht in lower sec or in sec 3

bt wait what did i do?

play runescape

procrastinate at home aftr sch when i had all th time

haish

i must study hard

i keep telling myself

looking forward to my chem revision test

hope i did better thn rest la

hmm

i wanna talk to my friend

bt so busy and sometimes

i scared im disturbing her

anyway

the "last stretch" is here

lets work hard for o's thn enjoy ourselves afterwards

oh and im nt going to work aftr th o's

time to make up fr all th fun i missed in lower sec man

2011-06-17T17:00:00.004+08:00

haish.. i feel so angry all th times these days
fought wif my parents fr a couple days in a row..
i wanna go sleepover they dont let
ahh apart frm thr

sigh ive been rly so miserbale last couple of days
my com rosak.. cnt play fifa or use th com much
cuz the processor speed like dam slow
very sway
first day aftr com crashd
whole day i lay in th sofa watching tv,rolling around in bed
or playing solitaire on my hp
idk whats gg on
lost all my motivation
my priorities r wrong
and i rly feel so pist off wif my parents all th time
everybody(my family) keeps telling me to study
and fr some reason i feel more like nt studying
whn im told to
if this is how ill be whn sch reopens i cn say byebye to
gg to vj or a jc even.. and say bye2 to getting into uni
haish
soo ........
idk what to say la
one more week of holidays
ive nvr spent 3 weeks of my holidays this badly
b4..
cuz at least when i play (during previous holidays)
i rly play all out... thn study sikit.. thn
towards end of th hols ill spam hw (like always) thn study
bt this time..i play fifa a bit..i juz procrastinate so much
its such a waste yet the time
tht has passed is gone and will nvr come bak
yet im like ths..still lazing even though
i know th importance of th o lvls and
i dont even like "myself"
cuz at th very least (even if dont study)
i dont fight wif my parents so often usually

oh i always wish i can understand
what u post on ur blog
the english is just awesome..hmmm

2011-06-01T22:58:00.002+08:00

woa.. sooo busy last couple of days
my cousins mum passed away..my aunt
abt 2 weeeks ago..very sad
bt i hope he ' s coping well

thn last weekend was my other cousins wedding..
so friday night and saturday burnt..
thn monday went johor wif my dad in the morning balek at 7-8..
we wer trying out..my uncle guide us
so nxt time cn go ourselves..
hmm
so many ppl i wanna tok to
cause i din reply lotsa messages..
ahh
prelim results
HAHA
i screwd up
L1R5 22
a maths b3(shudve been a1/a2)
e maths a2 (shudve been a1)
and physics a2 shud have been a1
ss/history e8
ohhh hoho
im addicted to fifaonline nao rdy

2011-05-09T00:09:00.002+08:00

man utd winning..this is a historic moment
1st minute hernandez score rdy
2-0 at half time
if man utd win..man u onli needs a draw to win the league
go gogo
anyway happy mother's day to all th mothers out thr

2011-04-13T18:56:00.001+08:00

Suci dalam debu -Iklim ..... suatu hari nanti pastikan bercahaya pintu akan terbuka kite berlangkah bersama di situ kita lihat bersinarlah hakikat debu jadi permata hina jadi mulia ...

2011-04-06T22:39:00.003+08:00

haish.. diarrhea today i wanna get my chem revision text result n idw miss any lessons bt doctor gave me mc so yeah damn anyway ths whole year is absurd ive nvr studied close to this amount im nt studying alot la bt im studying so much more the sum of hours i studied frm sec1 to sec3 haish im just so stressed my body cnt take this sometimes i end up sleeping at 12 cause i watchd tv..sometimes caused i playd solitaire and thn the nxt morning my body aches and im rly tired i nid to discipline myself haish i cnt do 1 pull up dammit and tmr napfa.. bt luckily mc uh... i just want this year to be over then lets see if we can work things out i feel like a retard everytime i thnk abt this cause idk what to do idk how to tok to u..

2011-03-14T09:35:00.002+08:00

my mum met ur mum the other day
makes me rmbr everything again
just sigh
what a rollercoaster
just wish we could be friends again

2011-03-09T21:53:00.002+08:00

man
one whole term has passed by
so so tiring
i keep falling ill this year.. go doctor 3-4 times rdy..chest pains, tonsil
haish...
anyway cnt wait fr my report book..
i thnk i improved a lot bt.. in the 2-3 weeks aftr ca slacked a lot
chemistry,english,hml and ss nid to improve
plus arab,unless i drop
ustazah came up to me during the last lesson and askd
what happen to my CA paper..
i thnk i failed super badly..i thnk cause im very stressed..
learning arabic is like dreadful man..somemore once a week now
see how it goes la
gna try to use a vocab book to improve my arabic in
term term break
life has been awesome
so many things have happened
oh my forehead sunburnt man all cause of sunday
hmm had fun still
this friday hope to play soccer at pasir ris..miss the place
okay
bye

2011-02-24T15:28:00.002+08:00

we all need love
and companionship
i wish we could be friends again
like how we used to be in lower sec
no misunderstandings..no politics
no love no compulsion
bt just friends

2011-02-21T20:55:00.002+08:00

haish
ive been having this sharp pinching acute pain in my chest fr a couple years now
bt it just happened consistently over 2 days alrdy
sometimes its and on and sometimes its off and its all over different spot
idk whats gg on with my body
i did some research and apparently they advise they gave is tht i shud see a doctor immediately
haish
im gg doctor on wednesday
i feel so week..even my legs feel pain..like th bone feels weak..
Oh God help me
God, cure me of my sickness
and cleanse my heart and forgive me of my sins
and give me strength to battle the temptations of this life
Oh God
help me

2011-02-09T18:49:00.002+08:00

woah..its week 6 alrdy
i guess life has changed so much fr me this yr
i realised one thing at th end of this 6 weeks
i realised
tht i can survive life without facebook
life without texting anyone
and i feel so great
cause fr 3 years in secondary school..
i cud use th com whenever i wanted and my parents allowed me to
and i dint control myself
bt finally im getting a hold of myself
life aint so bad without facebook,com or anyone to tok to
all i nid is the peace of mind
anyway i coughed blood in th morning tdy
hope it wont happen again
amin
ahh cnt wait fr this saturday
man u match damn early so im nt gnna miss it
finally my sis subscribed mio
so yay!
hmm
oh yeah third lang is finally on one day a week
what a relief
i dread attending third lang this days
its nt fun any longer, its all abt o lvls
anyway its bulan maulud
shud make th best out of this month
alright..
guess thts all
ohh yeah
i look like a geek i hardly recognise myself
somehow it feels so gd

2011-01-18T23:27:00.000+08:00

i know what i said in my previous post is a little harsh..
all i want
is fr us to be friends like how we were
thn we'll see what happens and we'll
think abt hw to work things out

2011-01-14T23:34:00.002+08:00

hmm all i want to say
is i still dont get th whole picture
a few of my friends tell me
uve moved on and im th only one
just holding back for so long
and some other friends tells me
its th total opposite and tht ur still waiting fr me
i dont like being stuck in this situation
i want to know th truth
and even thn
things might nt unfold as i want thm to
bt lets hope fr th best

2011-01-10T16:18:00.002+08:00

things arent how they seem like
now he claims i forced him and this and that
he,on his own accord, let me
as a matter of fact
he showd me his inbox bt thn ran away
nt letting me read..
he tempted me
with whatever truth or lies tht might be thr
and i hadnt made any assumptions bt
the choice of words was intriguing
"dear"
i knew him so well
it probably was sweet talk
anyway im not feeling so good
oh and my phone choose to die on me now
so i have no one to confide in
ugh
i mustn let this obstruct me from my goal
seeing th sec4s some crying some jumping with joy
i dont want to be tht guy who cries on tht day

2010-12-31T22:58:00.002+08:00

new year!
hmm
i guess my standard goal or resolution each year
is to ultimately be a better person
its easier said thn done for sure..
but ill try
okay heres my official resolution

New Year Resolution:
1)Be a better person
2)Do well for all my exams this year
3)(after o lvls) sharpen my magic tricks and flourishes
4)(after o lvls) maen bola everyday

insyaAllah ill make it
left with physics humanities and a maths trigo questions to do
hmmm
i rly cnt wait
my mum still havent bring me to th desntist..suppose to get my braces by end of december
and my pants
she havent alter thm yet..hmm

2010-12-29T20:56:00.002+08:00

5 days to start of school..
i havent done my physics and social studies homework
plus th a maths questions that i dont know how to do
i really wanna do well fr nxt yr
bt idk why im procrastinating like this
im distracted
everything is so confusing

2010-12-04T20:24:00.002+08:00

"Anyway u want it, thats the way u need it"
i love glee
hmm
yay i gt my vans shoe i love so much..but haish tht one fr school
im saving up fr one buat jalan2 punye
tmr morning swimming wif cousin yay!
hmm i still havent buy my bag yet..
my uncle will treat me again so i nid not worry woo
less than a month to start of school
not yet prepared la
i must study muz i must study

2010-11-29T21:38:00.001+08:00

1 month to start of school..
fooo so quick
nxt yr o lvls
haish
i havent study or do my homework

2010-11-21T14:14:00.000+08:00

i couldnt sleep last night..
went home at 10 frm masjid..
shouldnt have any trouble sleeping
but i just couldnt sleep...
slept finally abt 1-2
and now i noe why

2010-11-15T21:56:00.003+08:00

ur whats keeping me down all the time
with all the false hopes and thn crashing it all

2010-11-09T19:56:00.002+08:00

yee ha..
mt o lvls tmr..and here i am.. playing fifa online..
and trying.. to find some movie to watch online successfully
but failing miserably
stagevu nt rly working..
haha i thnk i must be crazy to still be playing.. im tht
unmotivated
see lah.. damn
i lost all my motivation rdy la
damn..
i nid to study.. nt juz fr mt.. yet
i juz cant focus..

2010-11-07T09:47:00.001+08:00

somedays i wake up with u on my mind
and somedays i can dream im harry potter
i wish i knew the meaning of dreams

2010-11-06T22:41:00.002+08:00

wooo..
playd soccer juz now wif the cousins..
someone said i could play fr club..
i must be tht pro uh ^^
hmmm anyway.. mt o lvls on wednesday.. and 12 days to
HP and the deathly hallows part 1
cant wait
i cant wait fr mt o lvl to end
thn i can start doing all my revision
hmm
holidays is so boring
everyone busy with their own things
im feeling just as lonely as ever
and sometimes i rly dont noe what to do
just confused
what shud i do
whr shud i go frm here
how do i move on from this
how do i get back up

2010-10-30T20:14:00.002+08:00

sometimes i wish nth ever happened between us
and whn i thought abt all the things tht happened
it makes me feel so immature,so childish
i wished nth ever happened
tht way i could be talking to u now
but nth will ever be the same again after everything right

2010-10-29T19:54:00.002+08:00

Woo..
exams results are finally out and holidays are here
on one hand, finally,its holidays
but thrs still a lot of catching up to do
i thnk our principal is the best i swear
he's the best speaker ever and what he says makes sense
he rly gives me motivation..
anyway i hope i spend my holidays more meaningfully
cnt wait to watch HP with deathly hallows wif friends

2010-10-21T15:45:00.006+08:00

exams are over!
alhamdulillah, praise be to God
finally..
i guess this yr has gone by the fastest
and so many things have changed
but finally the situation is getting better
im changing again
sleeping on the bus..sleeping earlier
i hope im changing fr the better though
its kinda fun to do things i used to do all the time
enjoying the bus rides with closed eyes
the peace
third lang no more,what a relief
bt nw boredom sets in
i just realised sth recently
facebook has taken away all the fun in everything else in life
and when facebook got boring
thts whn we feel so super duper bored
hmm
i wanna draw away frm all of ths online stuff
it makes everything else so boring
but anyway one more week of school!
and thank God tmr's Friday
tdy watched chakde india
awesome la.. made sch slightly more bearable
nth much happnd..
just went lunch wif some of the usual gang
thn balek ahh
the haze!
God save us from it!
Amen

2010-10-18T19:33:00.001+08:00

u hurt me so bad with ur short replies im gonna
hurt u bak wif my short replies
its so easy for u to not care eh...

2010-10-04T19:48:00.002+08:00

haha
exams are here14th october last paper
come on man! cnt wait fr it to end
hmmmm
i will fail a maths.. and maybe my emaths will drop too..
haish
anyway..
i juz tot abt this recently
love isnt a status
love isnt some official
u can love someone and yet theres nth to say for it
all im saying is
its nt right to rush through love
take each step slowly
and itll lead u somewhere
bt if i tryta tok to u and
at the end of it all u juz give up
thn ofcourse i "wont bring u anything"

2010-09-08T19:03:00.002+08:00

hmmm 28 days to SA
2 days to raya oh gosh
kinda ridiculous..
but anyway i gt loads of hw still undone
th papers r so hard... havent complete making my notes fr all
subjects
went to school in th morning to do hw
bt turns out to be a bad decision
juz couldnt concentrate..
bye

2010-07-09T22:00:00.003+08:00

still kinda lost it
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i need to get my motivation bacl
so anyway..
ive been thnking recently
bt no matter
hw i thnk
i cant seem to understand still
whats happening uh
just not fair to me
i dont noe how everything gt like ths uh
afiq's been a great friend uh
th best friend uh
he just makes u laugh and laugh
and when u talk to him abt serious things
he appreciates u sharing it with him
haish... so anyway..everyday im learning something
and its crazy uh these days
just completed learning redox reactions,ammonia and air and gases
and maths completed curves and circles and large part of trigo i suppose
english learnt newspaper article writing and historical narrative
mt just spam wb and paper
hist/ss did abt sri lanka and northern ireland
so thts a summary of everything so far
crazy i tell u
haish
so anyway tmr is my most pack day
pagi tahfiz frm 11 to 1 and 3 to 6 madrasah thn 8 to 9.30
klass penulisan
and th thing is u ppl on weekends get sent whr nid
to go cuz ur parents have cars and r free in th weekends
well no..i dont..so add travelling time
and im left with juz a little time to do my revision/hw fr th day
leaves me with sunday....thn monday again
mr raphael is th best la
he's lesson is super funny uh
and thr r some life lessons he can give u which r just awesome
bt yeah

2010-07-07T20:39:00.002+08:00

I kinda lost it
its th 2nd week nw
lost all my motivation
i arranged my chem and physics notes alrdy
on saturday or sunday
bt juz couldnt sit down and read thm
and since maths hw is like
freaking little..oni 6 questions..
i did it
haish
so anyway monday went out wif syaf
wasnt planning on gg fr limelight
tot my mum wouldnt allow..
went to peninsula..
syiok uh...
aso found a magic shop nearby there
bt th guy din noe abt the deck effect's
pointless
thn later on realised esplanade was damn near to peninsula
decided to ask my mum
and apparently my sis told her abt it..and
i gt to go
on th down sat alone
and a nun was sitting at my place
limelight was awesome entertainment
and aftr tht syaf send me home
and i was kinda feeling down..
and idk hw bt i frgt to eat a proper dinner
and the nxt morning
frgt to eat a proper breakfast
recess eat nugget
aftr sch spam 2 packets of nasi lemak
and vomited it all our during 3rd lang
steady -.-
so its wednesday now..hw quick time flies..
tot it was just youth day
class nw has new monitor...
maths lesson in av room
afiq rly is th best uh
thn mt o lvls oral
nt so bad uh bt its still altogether screwd
ended late..bored..wasted
tmr hist/ss ..mt ...recess..el...e maths
fag la
anyway somethings rly nt right with me
3 days ago i was sure
i din need music to study let alone fr leisure
quited music in a way
and nw suddenly..
it feels like i just need to listen to sth
some music
so freakin bad uh
okay mt o lvl orals over
listening compre on 20th july..which is abt 2 weeks frm nw
israk mi'raj on saturday
i just dont understand this thing abt motivation
when u have it..its all u need
when u dont have it..u seem to need everything b4 u can study
music,food,comfort
haish
i rest my case
see ya peeps
go germany!

2010-06-28T20:33:00.002+08:00

hohoho...school has reopened
i guess tdy wasnt so bad fr th first day of school
i just completed my homework..
left with a little bit of chemistry and arabic onli
i guess yeah its no life bt
sometimes being a no lifer is abt being passionate and
spending all your time to ur cause
i have to say its weird to suddenly sit down 3 hrs to complete hw
when i nvr do tht
bt its alright
i must find my momentum and i hope everything will be fine
feeling quite stressed bt i wanna see how ill relax this time
rather thn how i used to be
onli at the com
and doing last minute hw(which i havent neccessarily stopped
bt im trying to)
world cup is great..england is out woohoo!
their just too overrated..physically id say germany was stronger
mentally too
hmmm its weird eh how some ppl become
selective at who they make friends
its nt like their selective cuz of the influence the person might bring
i mean like some friends bring bad influence
and what i mean is tht their selective at making friends not bcuz
they afraid of bad influence..
hmmm
i guess tmr is a long2 day fr me
third lang aftr school...
i hope no hw or at least i get to complete otw to 3rd lang
k uh nth else to say
bye

2010-06-18T21:25:00.003+08:00

hmmmm
world cup is awesome i suppose
even though i dont really watch it uh
bt yeah the rise of the underdogs
holidays have been a bore
largely because i have lost interest in playing games
for idk what reason
and half the time the tv's airing some stupid show in th day
i have not revised
havent even cleaned my table
haish
i thnk at leasts once my table is clean
ill find some motivation to study and do homework
arabic 3rd lang remedials was awesome as usual uh
idk what abt th friends thr
bt yeah its juz swesome gg third lang
learnt a new word
al-waajib al-manzili = homework
wooo!
pingpong training quite okay
new coach..new regime
turning out rly good
can stroke the ball 50 times consecutively alrdy
woah
and tdy ahh sway i tell u
aftr jumaat went to cut hair at joemill
syafie teman me uh..sway
closed on every friday -_-
i waited so long uh hah
so whn balek surprisingly..i felt sleepy
i mean i do normally feel sleepy
bt juz a bit and i dont like sleeping in th day
bt i had nth to do
so i juz slept uh when i reached home
and i drooled..really a lot..LOL
so thn went cycling and it was about time
somebody realised
HAHAHAHA.
serbia is winning germany atm by one goal
go vidic
ah i need to sit down and thnk what i wanna do wif my life man
i juz stone the whole day
and im very lazy to do anything useful when
im bored of doing unuseful stuff
oh and being attached is awesome
well..wif the person u love uh
i look back at my mistakes in my pasts
and its juz so stupid hahaha
bye

2010-06-08T19:36:00.002+08:00

I thought u would understand..u are my bfriend
sadly u dont..hmmm
i watched p ramlee's nujum pak belalang..
and the moral rly struck me
"Manusia jujur dikasihani Tuhan"
it juz left me thinking hmmmm

2010-05-07T18:35:00.002+08:00

hii
hmmmm
im addicted to peterpan song and the putri cover song
haiyy life sucks
a few papers down
left with el paper two,history,physics and both maths
yeah thts all fr me
tdy is a bad day totally
paper end at 10..so can lepak or sth ahh
thn tanyer diorang plan aper
thn they all leceh ahh tk plan2
in the end didnt go anywhere..jumaat..thn walk home
wth
and on the way near the bridge my leg kind gave way thn
my ankle the top part became my foot..if u know what i mean
gt cut thr
oh and my hp bill is kaboomz
haish
damn ahh
my hp blh buang rdy no use
oh best part was tht i brought poker cards/tights fr swimming
/books if i wantd to study and even shirt fr soccer..
f ahh
damn irritating dah lama tk lepak..nk lepak aso tk jadi the fish
thn once exams over cca start again..UGHH
tmr tahfiz class fr me begins yay..hmmmm
thn madrasah thn night afiq say wanna pon the klass so
i guess i will..
sunday probably gg library..wif hariz or sth ahh
these few days im rly happy sometimes
cuz ive found my friends
and im enjoying myself
apart frm tdy of course..
coronation sunday..man u mesti menang wa caya sama lu
2 weeks to the soccer competition... HI5 im so happy kan kembang yknow
alright
bye assalamualaikum wa caya samalu
apa lu -gi HIIII 5

2010-04-06T20:50:00.002+08:00

Sometimes everything is just so confusing.
i see people stressed out with their problems
i see people who were brave enough to hold on and
are facing things i admit i cant
i suck rights
i dont thnk i can take the problems others have
and though im glad i dont have their problems
i juz wish i had the courage
everythings so confusing
everyones so threatening
everything is so difficult
life aint a game and im juz suck at living
its very stressful these days
too stressful
i dont put in my full effort and its stressful
what more
i see ppl leaving legacies behind and ask myself
what am i gnna leave behind
i suppose nothing
its like i didnt achieve anything in vs
and its like i didnt contribute to vs
i thnk im taking for granted everything i have in this life
my friends,my family,my school
how do i make full use of it all
u cant be the best in everything in life sometimes ehh
bt its like how much time u spent fr sth
ultimately will show how good u r in it
and its like thrs not enough time to be the best in say even 2
things
haishhh
its like
i spend so much time trying to be the best at everything
tht in the end,now, im bad at everything
i play games
i play soccer
i go cycling
i go jogging
i go masjid on thursday
i go 3rd lang
i try to study
i try to sing
i try to be lame
i try to be friendly
i try to lead
i try to improve in my cca
i try to go gym
i try to go library
and in the end
im not good at anything
idk whats my strength
will somebody help me

2010-04-02T21:38:00.002+08:00

These days i seem to have mood swings,i'd be happy
one moment and the next moment i juz hate everything
its all my fault fr ruining my own life.
idk whats going on with me
im juz letting things flow..i wont intervene
if i like someone thn im juz gnna let it be
if i dont thn i wont try to either
i juz dont wanna do anything
hmmm on the a lighter note
my dad gave me his childhood ring
which he said he used around my age (15)
and his 55 so means the ring is like 40 years old
and now im using it yayay
i love antique stuff
have u actually seen real antique stuff
antique stuff is super duper cool
i visited my ustaz's house woa i tell u
all antique stuff and the environment is 5 star best
like sabda Nabi "Rumahku Syurgaku" i wanna make my house
nxt time like tht
k nth else to say
life is sucking up
im juz feeling disappointed some ppl thnk tht way
k bye

2010-03-28T18:09:00.002+08:00

haish...hello ppl
gt my ca results
dk how bt i did better than quite a lot of ppl..so yeahh man
bt maths i thnk was too easy...wait till sa..sure cant make it
maths gt lotsa hw fr the weekends..done some at the library wif
syafie on friday
ytd was fun
went cycling fr 1-2 hrs..around her house..was juz wondering
thn petang jogging at bedok reservoir and night klass penulisan
haishh..tmr school starts again..oh well
school is the best thing in my life at the moment
once the bell rings my misery begins
tmr might be gg library..rly depends on my mood..
life is rly like rollercoaster ehh
except tht mine onli stays at the bottom
well yeahh "life sucks eh"
sometimes i miss talking to u...
oh well
on a happier note
gg to the gym seems to be effective
no nid to say more
maybe monday i shud go gym again
haish...i cnt go on like this
i need an motivational boost
ive gt all the resources,the time.the help
haish and sometimes i juz thnk..hw many ppl ive hurt..
and how much have i hurt thm
hmmm
oh and i found syahmi and me
r actually very much the same
we had the same experience
we did the same thing even though we could do it
the other way
and ended up,we both thought it was useless;pointless
and thn we're juz darn confused
haha u ppl will nt noe what i mean..
haishh...im juz caught up wif myself...
k nth more to blog..
bye

2010-03-17T19:18:00.002+08:00

oh hello ppl
how yall
life sucks u knoww
life is not a game
life is real
major exams-if u dont pass it the first time
u might nvr pass it

games-u can play games even till ur old bt the fun is addictive
it makes u feel if u dont play it now u wont be able to play it next time

everyday whenever i recall,i feel that urge to accept certain ideas tht
r becoming accepted in the community these days
the thing is..its nt exactly acceptable morally let alone
religiously
im fighting with myself
and i will continue to fight myself
currently
im addicted to my games
i dont study
but i will
and i will make sure i rise back up to my standard
life is not a game
life is a fight.a fight to win in the end or a fight
to win first and lose in the end.

2010-02-28T22:42:00.002+08:00

im positive its all my fault
im positive it gt worse fr u because of me
its all my fault
and i promise myself i will be by urside always
ily

"Ya Allah,sembuhkanlah dia,sihatkanlah badannya
Ya Alllah,Ya Rabbu Ya Rahman Ya Rahim Ya Hayyu Ya Qayyum
Ya Dzal Jalaali wal Ikram"

2010-02-26T22:19:00.002+08:00

yoo..
beeen very busy lately
i hope U understand k...
cuz maulud nabi and 3rd lang and exams and english debate
and a lot of stuff lah basically
k ca is over wooohooo
i juz played runescape fr a freaking 4 hours cool or what
and nw gnna blog and thn sleep k
fr nw..im a gamer
hmmm
this cerite juz suddenly came to my mind recently..
seseorng lelaki bertanya yg maner lebihlah afdhal(prefered)
..menjadi ahlil fiqh yg berbahas tentang hukum2 atau
menjadi ahlil dhikr
make seorang budak mengambil batu dan mencampakkan
ke ahlil fiqh itu dn dengan cepat
ahlil fiqh itu berkata,"aduh..siapa yg campakkan batu itu ke aku. HARAM hukumnya"
maka bdk itu mengambil lagi satu batu dan mencampakkan
ke ahlil dhikr dan dengan cepat ahlil dhikr itu pula menjawab
"astaghfirulah halazhim"
masing2 fikirkan :D

2010-02-24T22:29:00.002+08:00

One more paper till end of ca woohoo
2 more days and the world will be a better place
:D
hml paper on friday
gosh i havent arranged my maths file ;supposed to be handed in by monday..
tdy is wednesday -.-
and im e maths rep wth
ohgayy...
physics ppr tdy..didnt complete last question
hope i get 30 out of 35
ohgayy i have no life
i went home straight right aftr sch today
ttly no lifee zzz nvm
slack like giler ahh...im at the com tdy longer thn any other day
in this yr
hmmm
i thnk somebody is mad at me nw
big big problem is whyy...i dont know what i do
and no contact no communication
so its damn shitty bt nvm
gahhh tmr maulud nabi @ Ba'alwie woohoo
and tmr no paper plus 3rd lang..onli thing i dread is
maths period cuz i havent filed.gnna do it tmr morning
with the forms tht nid to be signed and the letter to leave 3rd lang early :D
okayy thts all byee

2010-02-21T18:31:00.002+08:00

The condition of my lifestyle now is pretty worrying yknow..
i dont study much and neither do i play games..
i basically stone infront of the computer waiting
fr God knows what and im all confused abt what i should do
i am still certain however tht..tht my toenail injury is my retribution
i seriously gt nothing to do..cuz i cant go out..
bt im nt rly dtudying real hard either
i rly need to change my ways hopefully before the other papers..
history is on monday..
might be studying at mpl aftr sch bt tht all depends
on my toe :D
bt i know klau i go mpl i sure will blajar..
if i go home i tend to slack ahhh
these days i feel so tired
i can have enuf sleep
and even sleep in the day and yt
at night feels super sleepy and when wanna wake up
feel soo tired
and yes im still very much confused
ahhhhhh
i guess these year ive changed a bit too
im more lame and no life thn last yr
bt what strikes me is the fact tht i didnt actually mature
or even grow up...mentally tht is..
im still very much unwise..
as a matter of fact i thnk 90% of the time
i do things without thinking
and yeaa
i onli like mcm phm and criticise lots of ppl and lots
of stuff bt im rly no different...
and im actually sad abt tht
cuz i rly nid to wake up and focus on studies
studies studies studies first
thn comes everything in between
haiz i know tht if i work hard i know how well i can do
bt i juz keep on procrastinating so much
i nid to reprograme my mind..
and maybe i nid to stop having so much fun when im in sch
cuz if u havent realised, fun makes u unfocused (leka)
so u frgt ur purpose of why the hell ur in sch and thts whn
u start slacking...
right now
i have a few wishes
WISH:
1)I wish that I will manage to study fr my other papers hopefully
and do freaking well fr them(cuz they say CAs r the easiest to score in sec 3)
2)I wish that my toenail will heal as soon as possible so i can start
doing push ups and jogging
3)I wish that I will be happy in the times to come.
And I wish that I will enjoy my life a little more in the times to come,
4)I wish that Sec3 camp will be fun ttm.
5)I wish that I will get my old self back (Hey,i miss him too)
6)And I hope fr more enjoyable experiences in my life and the times to come.

2010-02-19T16:39:00.002+08:00

i freaking broke my toe nail ahh
bird shit lahh
haiz
i know this is God's retribution on me i knoww it
cuz uknoww
ive been praying my prayers late
i sometimes even miss thm even when im at home
so seriously
ive been forgetting abt God
more than tht maybe infact
ive been neglecting my responsibilities
which aint something average..im nt even praying my prayers on time ahh
and seriously
i know why God gave me this test
to wake me up
and i thnk i havent learnt my lesson yt
cuz i talked during jumaat tdy
seriously,this wasnt me 5 months ago
idk whats gonna happn to the nail ahh
its either broken into two or the whole thing came off
haiz
its rly up to u to believe me bt rly
so yeaa..last night during the zikir at masjid i fell asleep at parts of the zikir
tht i nvr fall asleep on
like seriously
i freaking fell asleep almost throughout the whole thing..which isnt
because im sleepy
cuz when i came bak..i used the com till 12...
something is wrong wif me..i wan my good old self back..
i hope u understand..

2010-02-17T19:19:00.003+08:00

"I’ve learnt who I really am. I’ve learnt who my real friends are. I’ve learnt to be open to new things. I’ve learn to let go and move on. I’ve learnt how to handle and overcome lies and people who pretend that they love you. I’ve learnt that it’s no point dwelling over this crap and whatever love thingy. I’ve learnt that it’s not worth my tears and time just by thinking about it. I’ve learnt a lesson.
Thanks to you.
It really lacerated my feelings, but i don’t wish to care about it anymore now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Life these days is so awesome to the max. Really. Putting aside all those sad bitchy moments. Anyway, on friday, school ended rather early. We had the chinese new year celebrations. And i received a lot of valentines day chocolates and cards and hugs.
Anyway, it’s nice being in a gang of kental people. We went to this block to celebrate Sharifah’s birhday. Belated belated birthday, that is. Camwhored a lot. Ran a lot. Laughed a lot. Bimbo-ed a lot. Kental-ed a lot.
It was damn awesome. Then, we went to Parkway to eat at kfc. Saw the same group of vs guys. I swear i saw him many times this week already.
Went to cotton on and saw the shades. And syahirah was regretful that she bought the white shades, instead of the pink one. Well, i got so hyper and high when i saw the baskets of shades and the others were like, “Eh, siti. That is so minah.”
Hey, it’s nice to be a minah. And a bimbo. At times. Rare, rare times, i mean. *chuckles*
On Saturday, i got stucked at home for the whole day. Did my homework and finally, i got myself more motivated to study and revise a bit. I got so distracted when Muhaimin called me and we talked like two crazy people and my mum eavesdropped! I was so angry cause she kept on asking me who and I said my madrasah friend (which is the truth) and she claimed that I’ve been using the phone for hours. I want my own privacy okay."

and u know im nt the mat u thnk i am
and yes
i dont like the things u do these days..
u changed ..and u noe it..
idk u

2010-02-12T17:17:00.003+08:00

"deep down inside, i miss you and i don't know how this crush is going to linger within me."

u posted this 2 days ago..and it wasnt referring to me
how'd u expect me to believe u and how'd
u expect me to love u..

2010-02-07T19:11:00.002+08:00

the fuck i care!
pist off siak
wif some ppl who tell u sth interesting thn stop at the climax
ppl who tell u tht u know the person they like bt thn
dont wanna tell u who it is
eh might as well dont tell ar frm the start
and ppl who arent even understanding
fuck i care sial
dah im done...

2010-02-02T20:48:00.002+08:00

and i swear im jealous
as i sit in tht classroom
i turn to look at tht...guy
and the whole lesson becomes a blur to me
i juz merely understood what i was learning
bt i wasnt concentrating
i was thinking abt what was once mine
its not ur fault
its mine
i've made a mistake
thts not correctable
its effects nt reversable
im nvr gnna be able to be wif u again
ur friend hates me too
and i hate myself i cant bear to see
the reflection in the mirror every morning
honestly,ur far more closer to him thn u r to me
and u r confused abt ur own feelings
last i heard,he's thinking abt it
bet he'll make it b4 i can undo my mistakes
i am human i make mistakes
i wish

2010-02-01T20:48:00.002+08:00

so its goes down to i suck
u can tell it straight to me
and u hate me now for sure
and yet i hug my pillow to remind me....
bt i forget i have no right to do tht anymore

2010-01-30T21:05:00.002+08:00

hell yea u rly have forgotten abt me
u can go ahead with whatever u wan
u can say u wont forget me and stuff
bt i know i wont forget u
and i know i still .

2010-01-30T19:21:00.005+08:00

hey..
u know what
i realised i've gt the weirdest cbox comments man
thx to u all out thr and of course me
lol
okay so u noe what i realised
i realised tht
love is trust
thr no trust thn thrs no love
where can u get the trust frm?
from being open to each other and from being close
u know where im gg right
if ur not close to me thn thrs no trust and thrs no love
in fact vice versa!
and to u out thr
ur nt rly stuck between 2 ppl
so dont be
good fr u
well as fr me
i've yet to understand love myself
whats the point in dwelling over sth tht u dont understand in
the first place
im still trying to understand my own feelings
so yea u go ahead with ur things
a tough week its been fr me
to be so confused and to be unsure all the time
sli rehearsal was a pain in the neck bt
mrs lims farewell dinner was a blast and i enjoyed
camwhoring with my beng-mat senior* and the other seniors
i realised now tht im actually the closest sec 3 to the sec 4s...
some of the other sec3s hardly talk to each other
and i feel so priveledged to be so close to these seniors
its juz so fun when ur with them
well i guess its cuz i like to "tegur" or like
actknowledge ppl when i see thm
except fr 1 person
and so yea
u know how nice it is to know tht
when u arrive fr cca training slightly late
and yet as u walk..ppl call out ur name and greet u and
greet them bak..
well yea i know im like deprived macam tk de kawan
and yea i have a lot of acquaintances and onli a few close friends
mr raphael on thursday was wonderful man
he talked to us about poly and jc
and rly man
the things he tell us are rly wonderful
its not explainable bt hes rly a gd teacher cuz
he shares with us his experiences and thoughts
and we get to see the bigger picture of everything
same with mr khoo
haiz mr khoo retiring at 48..so sad
woa maths is getting very very difficult
i need to do some maths practice
physics so far okay bt still nid revision ahhh
and chemistry is quite cheem...nid to revise more cuz
more difficult
hml so far a bit blurry cuz i actually day dreamed in class recently
so yeaa i missed quite important parts of the lesson
arab is fun so far
i thnk i shud practice conversational arabic at home heh
and i thnk i shud try out mr raphael's
"active reading technique" ...
even when he explain to us..i alrdy know this thingy
sure work
oh and rahmat gt 14 points fr o lvl..and he got into tp
and munir gt 16..gt into tpjc i suppose*
gnna do my homework HOPEFULLY aftr this
im so ill-disciplined man
i got no motivation anymore
but i've got nothing better to do either ways
so hopefully too..ill study and revise tmr
tmr gt my mum's cousin's cousin punyer wedding
hoping to see familiar faces
cuz i dont see my cousins often..onli one of them
close to me..like jiwa
looking forward to monday...fresh new start
to week 5 ..right?
and well
now i've got to face it all alone

U've gt urself a replacement

2010-01-27T18:03:00.002+08:00

things r very difficult atm
idk whats gg on wif me
its not easy fr me to come down to this decision
bt i cant change my mind once ive made up my mind
idk why i want this
but i juz want to
this is just the end of the road fr us
sry bt this is how its gnna end
i juz cant take this any longer
i cant shoulder the responsibilities and commitments any more
its too much fr me
i dont have enough time
i have a lot of things to do
and a lot of my stuff get squeezed up
i juz cant bare it any longer
i juz nid to forget everything
its juz to hard on me
i cant understand why
this sure aint a valid reason to break up
bt i juz need it
i need it badly
im sorry fr evrything
i thnk u fr the wonderful memories
i thnk u fr making me feel great all this while
i thnk u fr being so patient with me
i thnk u fr everything u've done to remind urself of me
bt
things between us juz cant work out
the days when we could "click" r past
i've changed so much im not accustommed to u anymore
ive changed so much ive forgotten u havent
and if u have..uve changed into sth different
nt alike anymore

i apologise fr everything ive made u feel b4
bt im really juz drained of everything
i cant take any bit more..this is the end
im sorry
until thn farewell
i hope we'll still be friends

2010-01-25T19:44:00.004+08:00

i tried my best
i walked up to u
i see tht the chair is too short fr me and my friends
i tell u i'd seat wif my friends thn
and i realised thr r extra benches
i call u over and i purposely sat on the bench wif u cuz
i wantd to be near u
i came close
bt u didnt
i tried to talk
bt realised thr were times when i was speaking bt u werent listening
times when i spoke and ur back was turned on me and ur friends would
be able to see
bt they didnt do anything
they didnt even tell u tht i was thr talking
so i was speaking to myself all tht while
and when they went away..it gave me an opportunity
so i talked to u
how much i could
and i askd u who u were calling
and u juz answered me "ade lah,if i tell u aso u dk"
what did u expect me to reply?
and the chapters we were learning
we didnt learn the same things so i couldnt help u
and neither could u
and u were trying to help ur friend wif her maths
and i was confused wif my question
onli more oonfused with whats going on
and my friends were telling me to sit closer to u
i wantd to but love aint suppose to be one sided
u cant expect me to do everything
if onli i came close to u..thn its like onli im bothered
and earlier on u were juz whispering to ur friends...
so secretive..in front of ur bf..dont u thnk its weird?
were supposed to be attached
no secrets,be open
what u wan me to do
and at the traffic light aftr i crossed
i saw u
and i waved at u...bt u wouldnt see
and when i crossed the traffic light..and turned to see u..
u were gone
when i askd where u'd g0 and with who
u wouldnt elaborate
and thn..one word answers
this is love?
im heartbroken
and when ur friend syahirah went to meet her bf..
did she ask u to come along?
have u ever followed her?
in fact..syahirah was secretive abt her bf to u
bt ur nt and its not a problem to me
bt why did they have to follow?
i hardly go out wif u and when i do
u bring ur friends along...
how'd u expect it to be not awkward
..i had to bring my friends ahh
and i cant believe u purposely ignored me at times when i was talking to u
i wouldnt ignore u in a million years
juz so u know
u broke my heart today
and like my friend actually said
see said syafiq and his gf
so open to each other
n look at us?
and like my friend said
she doesnt even look like she'll be heartbroken if u break with her now
i didnt know this was u
i didnt know u
i spend 3 months trying real hard to get u to talk to me like
were attached
bt u hardly talk
and i end up feeling like im bothering u
this is love?
how do u thnk im feeling right now as i write this?
one word
disappointed

2010-01-24T18:08:00.002+08:00

"Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away. "

from the movie Hitch heh
the reality of the world we live in
is harsh
expectations nvr falter
experience is nvr enough
feelings still come into play
time;nvr enough
dreams; achievable yt unsound

"it does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live"

2010-01-23T20:17:00.002+08:00

" Optimism is "an inclination to put the most favorable construction upon actions and events or to anticipate the best possible outcome".[1] It is the philosophical opposite of pessimism. Optimists generally believe that people and events are inherently good, so that most situations work out in the end for the best.
Alternatively, some optimists believe that regardless of the external world or situation, one should choose to feel good about it and make the most of it. This kind of optimism doesn't say anything about the quality of the external world; it's an internal optimism about one's own feelings.[citation needed]
A common conundrum illustrates optimism-versus-pessimism with the question, does one regard a given glass of water, filled to half its capacity, as half full or as half empty? Conventional wisdom expects optimists to reply, "Half full," and pessimists to respond, "Half empty" (assuming that "full" is considered good, and "empty", bad). "

Credits to wiki

lets stay optimistic =D

2010-01-18T20:24:00.002+08:00

Power –noun
1.
ability to do or act; capability of doing or accomplishing something.
2.
political or national strength: the balance of power in Europe.
3.
great or marked ability to do or act; strength; might; force.
4.
the possession of control or command over others; authority; ascendancy: power over men's minds.

Power.
power is something man has nvr quite understood yet it has
been pursued by many
power be it physically,e.g. being able to harm
someone with physical strength
or mentally,e.g. being able to control/harm someone
with merely the strength of the brain
or even spiritually,e.g. being able to put a curse upon someone

what men fail to realise is,rather,not the
consequences of their action to gain power but the truth that lies within

power is not something men can obtain
it is something men can onli dream of
to hurt someone physically doesnt make u powerful
cuz physical strength cannot outlast quantity
u can have the world strongest man versus 30 average men
and obviously the 30 men will win

as for the ability to hurt someone with the strength of the mind,
it is not even proven and men hardly even use 10% of his brain daily
welll
God knows what he can do with the 90%
men can hardly move objects with the mind
let alone hurt someone

some may argue tht they have heard of ppl who cn
hurt others with mere rituals and curses
however,none of these is really...power
these power have to rely on a certain source
e.g. God or the devil/deities
so once more it highlights the fact tht
humans nvr had power and nvr will have power
power is a mere delusion
it is after all,limited
greatly limited

fantasy's created by the media
portray many delusions tht onli make us dream
it does not do to dream and forget about living.
even history reminds us
even hitler could not conquer the world
even prophet Muhammad couldnt delay death as it was God's will
cuz everything is really limited
we are humans/men,its time we acted like what we are
we are nothing but weak
fr true power is something onli God has

i noe its weird fr me to write something like this
bt yea
this is what i feel
and will u stop making a problem out of nothing
and i've left u alone so will u stop acting like im still bugging u
and juz leave me alone?
peace ppl peace

2010-01-15T22:33:00.001+08:00

That half an hour aint enough.

2010-01-07T23:31:00.002+08:00

hello
hmmm vs3e rocks ballz
we got gays,mats,china pansty,transfer student
non muslim who loves muslims(alex)
jew hater(sheikh)
and best of all ramesh!
HAHA
in these 4 days weve known each other
we've really been bonded
we gt our blog done and updated
collections fr forms/money etc done
without being asked fr frm the teachers
were serious when we nid to
and funny a lot of times
we have no prefect in the class! gilerr babs sial gerek
close to half the class tapers

which brings me to my nxt point
hmmmm so far attempts to revive my
"metrosexuality" is failing haha!
i dont look at myself in the mirror as much as i used to
its like dah tk kisah so much rdy
if my hair senget..so be it! HAHA
thn my long pants is the best!
i bought 3 pants with 2 different sizes
2 pants the smallest size and 1 slightly bigger
and i love my pants
no nid taper
bt seriously look taper frm certain angles
oh and zakir and me same shoe o.o
hmmmm
tmr pe!
cant wait
shud be getting my phone soon
oh and tmr im nt gnna use my normal shoes,,
hah,idw dirty it..
okay ahh bye nothing else to say

ps:im not arrogant juz bcuz i didnt tok to u
its juz awkward and idk what to say
hah

2010-01-06T18:11:00.002+08:00

helllo
haiz why is it ppl dont understand
u call this a joke?
its not a joke
u gtta learn to draw the line
and i just nid a break frm every1
its unfair on me

sarcastic remarks
untrue rumours
jokes thts nt funny and more offensive
cynism
ppl finding fault
arrogant ppl
bad opinions

everything is crushing down on me
how do u expect me to not emo when
everytime its unfair
everything is so hard
i have my own problems alrdy
tk cukup ke perr
malas ahhh
okay bye

2010-01-06T16:51:00.003+08:00

i dont joke abt certain things well

too bad cuz lifes nt a joke to me

so too bad ahh if u mislead me into believing some

stuff u made up

cuz u know im serious,it juz shows

2010-01-05T21:12:00.002+08:00

Hello
hmmm
okay today woke iup slightly later
thn ngaji and went sch
first had chem quite cool
had ice breaker again
blah blahh blahh
thn sir couldnt start the match so adli offer him his lighter
*suspicuous
thn sir ask adli if he smokes lol
idk what to say ahh haha
thn it was history
another ice breaker thn some serious stuff
thn recess
and thn was maths
woa maths haziq r step pandai sia
or maybe he is pandai bt dont nid step ahh
ahh english
best siallll gerek like hell
adli and mr raphael r like a pair
everything mr raphael say adli say something bak
thn every 1 laugh sia
best sia

Teacher: Eh Athanasius,u r like my brain out my body u know...b4 i say anything,u say first alrdy
5 MINUTES LATER
Athanasius goes to the toilet
Adli: There goes ur brain!
CLASS LAUGHS
wtf sia....hisap ahh haha
Exactly less than 1 minute later Athanasius comes back
Teacher: Eh u nvr wash ur hand ahh? so pee or not
Athanasius: yes i did i did
Teacher: no ahh i see u like the type of student tht juz dont wash hand wan,disgusting sia
Adli: Ofcourse,ur brain what!
CLASS LAUGHS

i think 3D and 3C must be wondering whats up with us mann
gilerr babs nyer gerek
thn naufull aso
Sheikh Naufal: Sir, u from what sch?
Teacher: SJI
Sheikh Naufal: SJ ieeeeeeee
CLASS LAUGHS

gerek sahhhh okay dah

hmm anyway been thinking quite a lot
and i guess u knoww what
as soon as u dont care what ppl thnk everything becomes fine
bcuz all tht rly matters is what u thnk
and i realised im becoming less self conscious despite attempts to
be more self conscious
its juz nt in me rdy haha
my confidence is growing slowly
but surely
i can speak up my mind
i can say what i want the way i want to
and i dnt fucking care what ppl thnk
hmmmm 3rd lang was okay
except fr the part i said "fuck u" out loud which ustazah heard and every1 laughed
i regret seriously
it was juz instinctive
i mean we're told to buy this book fr arabic
and its what 105 dollars
fuck u ahhh ..
so ex sial
ahh okay thn apart frm tht ok
hmmm i shud learn to open my mouth at the right time
(nt referring to saying vulgarities accdntly bt sth else)
tmr is wednesday cant w8 cuz tmr gnna chiong home
and spam some work
well while my motivation is still in me
id rather spend my motivation on studying rather thn
dreaming abt ,angan angan etc
motivation is hard to get fr me bt easy to lose
so i shud apprecuate it
oh and btw azfa
if we're proud,its cuz we have something to be proud off
chey hahaha mcm phm haha
okay bye.

2010-01-04T21:21:00.003+08:00

just went blog hopping
and i guess i juz got some motivation out of what i juz read
its funny though tht i cud fine some inspiration even from ppls blog
welll
every1 sees things differently and
trying to see ppls view of things is quite cool
i must saw im not close to achieving my goals
and i rly nid to change my perception of things
i nid to see reality and shape it the way i want it too
bt i will nid time
hmmm i guess
everything i am comes down to what mindset is
so i nid change my mindset and
most importantly,stick to tht mindset
sometimes i look at ppl
and i am really confused
how do they shape tht mindset tht they have now
why cant i do it too
i juz nid to get in my head..
throw some serious crap out of it
put in some sense into my brain and maybe then i will
function better
and its really irritating when u try so hard onli to find
ur so far behind still and u juz cant beat em
and ur stuck here like a bloody fool
lost in problems tht shouldn't be thr even
and sometimes i feel so bloody screwd up
well i guess
ill have to remind myself every morning
"hey,thts what i wanna be and thts how i wanna see things"
i guess this is really wordy bt its juz frustrating

2010-01-04T20:23:00.003+08:00

kay done. i wont complain anymore
okay anyway
today was first day with long pants
and i realised its difficult to keep white stuff clean man
my watch,pants,shirt all comot
zzzzz
ok apart frm tht my pants tight giler...fr a reason *winks
so quite rimas bt okay ahh overall
thn went home with hakim
though now im feeling pist off
i mean..he makes faces when ppl r talking to hm sia
dahh ahh this kinda ppl is not my type lahh
okay anyway... came home online fr a while
n thn i cant believe it bt i actually studied a maths
and last yr maths too (e maths ahh kirekan)
cool sia a maths
and our teacher rocks
mr raphael also...
okay im done
bye.

2010-01-03T13:48:00.002+08:00

hello
hmmmm
i havent completed my homework!
u believe?
haizzz
left english compo...
hmmmm shud be able to do right aftr i eat my lunch
i cant wait fr tmr
bt at the same time
im a little wary of whats gnna happen
a little unsure
hmmmmm
tmr i shall be all white!
hehe my fav colour
hmmmmm
thrs so many things in my head now
ahh
okay bye i wanna d0 my hw

2010-01-02T20:49:00.000+08:00

ily

ps:putting ur pic on to my mp4 :)

2010-01-01T15:56:00.002+08:00

hello peepz
last few days have been really busy...
i have good and bad news
good news is
i got myself a zen mozaic(whitish grey) and a white watch
to match all my white stuff -_-v
but the bad news
is i wont be getting a new phone soon
im getting it in between february to may haizzz
idk how i've been surviving these days bt
i guess its cuz it was all my fault
i spoiled the phone cuz i was impatient
and i really couldnt do anything about it
cuz if i told my dad/bro they'd kill me
bt my mum/sis knows rdy bt they wont get me 1 anytime soon
haiz
i miss u a lot
hopefully,ill get to see u on the bus or something
i hope u read this asap
cuz i dont wan u to keep waiting
sryy manz
okay anyway, today woke up early,probably
bcuz of the mozaic thingy..actually,i couldnt sleep
and when i cud..i was awaken by my brothers annoying alarm
thn prayed/ngaji-ed and thn cleaned my table
surprisingly,i completed cleaning my table at about 8.15
so i had time on my hand
so decided to upload my songs to my mp4
bt it took hours so 12 thn complete
thn went friday prayers and a lil shopping with my bro
bought some cool clothes
now im hoping u'd come online
hmmm,okay homework is yet to be done
i rly nid to chiong my homework in these last few days
okay
byee

2009-12-30T13:46:00.002+08:00

Heyy..
hmmmm
im feeling so fucked up now
i didnt go red shirt meeting today...
and its so stupid cuz i forgot
suppose to be thr at 12..and i onli realised
i had forgotten to go at 1
and damn it ahhh
i cant stand myself
i nid to sort out my priorities
and i srsly nid to clean my table and do my homework
okay bye

2009-12-28T19:46:00.003+08:00

Yozzah peepz
hmmm
my phone spoiltz so dont text me
my phone screwd lah..its my own lahh
i cant stand it thn i threw it at th bed sekali it rebound rebound
then screen crack
damn it
haiz
im gonna miss u
hmmm
i like my hair though..it aint rly nice
who cares..janji its what i want..
hmmmm my dad too paranoid rdy lahh
he thnks my hair sch tk accept when my hair is so mentah rdy ahh
actually i was also paranoid
cuz when i asked the guy fr a foaxhawk hairstyle..
he didnt noe what it was...so i told him..yknow the shorter
version of mohawk bt thn i started paranoid-ing
so i told him the sides dowan soo short the top dowan soo long
cuz later like the matrep2 and gangsters yg mohawk tajam like tht
i scared sch tk kasih sia..
thn he ask me fringe side parting or not
thn i say yea
bt thn half way thru..i said no!
lol thn okay he cut ahh
bt gd ahh..i shall g0 this salon frm now on...
okay about today
today had cca went out earlier
and thn juz slacked some where in bedok ...ALONE..hehe
thn went to cca,played soccer aft tht
nth much..thn came home
called somebody and thn now bored
hmmm okay byee

2009-12-23T18:42:00.003+08:00

hello
hmm
today was great
i followed rahmat to job interview bt i told my mum i go jalan2 wif him
somewhere near lavender mrt
and thn went to muay thai shop saw lots of equipments
interesting
and thn saw the gym
woaa
bt i dont like the place
cuz its like a shopping mall and its totally thai-ish
everything thr is thai..
so many thai ppl thr
weird...thai ppl nnti carik pasal pulak
thn wanted to go pp(parkway)
bt late so went macs at tamp and buy doublecheese meal
n lepak-ed properly wif him at some blocks near inline
hmmm
juz came home
feeling fucked up bt trying to juz chill
nurdin delete me baik ahh
its nt like i need anything frm him
oh and met my pakcik otw home tadi..gave me 5 bucks..
baik ahh
im gnna save up for some stuff
and haziq's back frm india
too bad he wasnt around when i was pist off
hahaxzz
well juz wantd to say
i wanted to apologise bt thn...looking at this guy,no way man..
i dont apologise to ppl wif tht kinda arrogance
he already pai sey..thought my problem abt girl
thn call ppl gay..thts carik pasal what
honestly speaking...hannan's post also always emo what
maybe i post a lot more bt im nt constantly emo perr
i juz have many things to say...pun salah..
so nw i set my status uodates to about 10 ppl
gd ahh
i know who my friends rly are
i have no idea whats gnna happen nxt yr
bt im sure when i walk back in to school
there'll be a few ppl i dont kenal anymore...
i wont tegur i wont tengok
hmmmm
12 days to school reopen
i nid to do my homework.
bye.

2009-12-21T17:56:00.005+08:00

Hohohoo
I pon-ed training today
i was "sick" u see
okay anyway thrs something wrong with my knee
its screwd up..maybe cuz i strained myself dunnoe when aso
hmmmm
good luck seems to be showering on me these few days
adli let me in on the secret and i cant wait to get my haircut manxzz
my bagS,shoeS,stationerieS all rdy...
just cant wait fr my haircut and my braces
bt something just rly pisses me off
i heard u cant eat ice cream when using braces
wth manxzz....means i cant eat mcflurry at J8
damn it ahh
God knows what else I cant eat
bt nvm..its fr the sake of my teeth
hmmm
tmr ponning cca again
well im still "sick" u see
hahaxD watch avatar wif muhaimin,mustaqim,khairul anuar,zhaf and a few others
heard the movie is (Y) so yay!
haiz ive prepared all the materials i need for next yr
bt thrs 2 things tht are more important tht i havent rly prepared
and it juz shows thrs something wrong..wif me
idk whats wrong wif me...bt something juz feels off
1)I havent tidied up my table let alone my room!
2)I havent completed my homework!
haircut and braces will have to wait if i dont complete these task 1st..
im nt getting my priorities straight
big problem man
haaaaaaaaa
still got loads more hw to do
my goal right now is to complete all my homework hopefully
by tomorrow night....hopefully lahh
just spam3
hmmmmmm
i seriously need motivation
bt idk where to get some motivation
its almost as if i dont care abt my studies anymore
or like im not bothered to study anymore
either way..i nid to get motivation asap
zzzzzzzzzzzz somebody help me
okay.
zzzzzzzzzzzz
okay on the brighter side of things..i got some new stuff

HahaxD,old picture,took aftr training,without specs

V,viva,viva Victoria XD

My shoe brand v^^v

I nvr loved my bag more than this <3

hmmm,i like the 1st pic...without specs i look awfully different seyy

im considering using contacts...

hmmm okay gtg

i srsly need to do my hw.

byeeee

okay editing my post..

now is 11.31

hmmm did some maths hw

half way done

im starting to get tht hope and motivation tht i can do this

i can go get tht results i want

hmmm

semangat tiba tiba kot..hmm

maths left 20 more questions

science i heard 8 pages

and english if im not wrong an essay/letter

hmmmm i should be done probably by wednesday night

and thn im so gnna spam a maths

excited pulak

amacam ni..i like gt mood swings pulak

hmmm okay ahh...im sleepy...and tired..see ya guys..

tmr watching avatar with mustaqim momo and a few others

meeting at 1 fr lunch and play some cards

chance to show my more practical tricks like penetrating straw and stuff like tht

thr nt really tricks anymore rly

they're magic

ok ok mcm phm hehe

okay ahhh

tmr's gnna rock..hopefully it'll rock more

if i get to complete maths b4 going out

wish me all the best

oh and i get to try my new bag and shoe tmr..(Y)

okay okay

byeeee

☻/

/▌

/ \

2009-12-20T18:17:00.002+08:00

hello
hmmm nacho libre yesterday was quite interesting
i cant forget "el chino"..so merepek
okay anyway
didnt do much yesterday but at night went to my aunty's house
and showed my nephew and neice some magic tricks
and yknoww what
i realised tht the best audience to perform to are chidren
i love children now cuz they appreciate my tricks
and i inspire and amaze them
hehe tonight my mum's friend coming over at night so
i got another chance to make it right and amaze him
hopefully i'll enjoy
okay im pist off now
my sis probbly tk jadi go shopping with me
hey,who said onli girls go shopping..hahaxD
i nid buy bag and shoe and stationery onii
grrrrr
lucky i did my homework...well.uhh 5 questions onii hahaa
okay gtg..nid to do my homework now

2009-12-17T12:27:00.003+08:00

Yozzah peepzz
hmm didnt blog abt yesterday so i'll summarise it lahh
yesterday:
woke up really early and the feeling was so fantastic!
then poured some tea out frm the coffee kettle -_-
and drank...super nice and refreshing
and thn drank coffee
super super fresh
and i miss that feeling
its like the feeling that ur body has had enough rest
hmm
thn wnt out with my bro..he go work
i go tamp interchange
waited fr rahmat thn he ask me go his house
went his house...thn went back home take my ball
and played street soccer at the court nearby
thn just totallly slacked and talked to him
the one thing i juz enjoy about being with rahmat
is tht i can talk to him about everything
from ghosts to girls and from soccer to schooling
great to have some one share with u his experiences
by far my greatest friend atm
so happens to be yesterday we talked about ghosts lolxz
thn we had lunch at my house and he went off
and i sent him to the mrt
and thn slack at home doing nothng
thn abt 6.50..decided to do my homework so ended up doing onli 6 questions by 8
and thn juz spam a bit more fb and online with muhaimin
thn watch criss angel and eat my dinner
and thn animal night thn slept

okay
now...about today
hahaxzzz
happy 2nd month manxzz
times flies eh
anyway, i woke up late today woke up at like 11+
and thn realised..tht my mum went rahmats house alone
nvr ajak sial
i wud have had more fun
nvm
so since i woke up late..nothing else happened
except for the cream from the bread tht spilt on my shirt
v^^v
okay lahh
bye wanna do homework ..for real

okay
bak
now the times is 12.15 midnight :)
hehe
hmmmm
just heard tht malaysia won vietnam
cool ke pe
and i juz found out tht for soccer..each player wins a gold fr the country
means like malaysia won 15 golds juz by winning vietnam 1-0
nice one lolxzz
alah
okay anyway selamat tahun islam yang baru
insyaAllah we all improve and change for the better
:) went to ba'alwie fr doa awal dan akhir tahun
oh oh oh
and i improved my magic skills rdy
now my tricks more practical ready...
i even amazed my mum!
cool ke pe hahaxD
okay thn i tried another trick bt failed...like miserably
ahhhh
didnt do any homework today at all
hmm tmr friday so can g0 out yayxzz
hopefully get to go wif rahmat again
hmmmm ok..the time now is 12.19
idt im supposed to be using the com
so
byeee

2009-12-15T21:41:00.002+08:00

Yozzah peepz
how's life
hehe...
i guess things arent so bad now
but i seriously
seriously
have to stop procrastinating
honestly
this is what i did today.

woke up at 10+
10+ - 11.30 :bathe/eat (ice cream,HL milk,bread)/pray
11.30- 1.30: On the computer,learning tricks on Spellz's official website
1.30-2: Eat/pray
2-4: Waste time in my room,trying..trying to create tricks
4- now(9.46/computer time): On the computer
doing fb/more spellz tricks and other junk and pray x 2/eat/bathe
haiz
what a welllllllll spent day indeed! (My ass sial)
haizz
tomorrow playin street soccer wif rahmat
so obviously not gonna do my homework again
maybe cuz i'll procrastinate again when i reach home bak
or maybe cuz i'll be tired
damn it
i nid to do my homework
if i cant even do my homework
how am i gnna catch up wif all the things i've missed out
i didnt do well..not cuz i was careless
but bcuz i DIDNT study
i was distracted with adli and iskandar and hakim and all of them
i played soccer on the eve of the science paper
and i failed my science paper
i wasnt studying at the library for all those 6 days of exam
i was merely pretending too
and those who were with me
wud probably recall me treating them to macs..and wasting time
im fucked up
haiz
if i dont start studying by the end of this week
i dont think i can get the results i need to get
in case uve forgotten...the letter of conditional approve for my appeal
since my appeal gt accepted,i nid to pass all 8 subsject fr mid yr nxt yr
OR
they drop me to 7 subs
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
can someone inspire me?
can someone motivate me?
can someone push me and give me encouragement?
these days
idk y??
but i juz dont have motivation to do something useful anymore
its all cuz of facebook!
and msn!
and magic tricks!
and tv shows late at night!
and going out with rahmat!
i nid to recall who i used to be
that nerd
i nid to remember who i am
that fucking nerd who loved to study
and craved for that success
i nid help
somebody
help me
help me break out of this spell
this curse that puts me this way
in malay terms..
hilang tujuan dlm hidup
i thought being with u bak wud change it
but somehow
i still felt i had lost my direction in life
and like i had lost my purpose in life too
i guess onli i can fix this
no1 can help me find that meaning in life tht i had
okay
so nvm
ending on a higher note
..
i have all the resources to improve
i've gt 2 elder siblings/one wif a degree and the other wif a diploma
and i have a nice study table(but i nid to tidy it up)
and i have friends that i appreciate
and im in a school thts good and condusive fr learning
and i have the will to do something abt my grades
i couldnt have asked for more
everything's rdy fr me
i
juz nid to take action!
okay
what a long post indeed..
okay gtg
byeeee guys

2009-12-14T19:14:00.003+08:00

hey all
hmmmmmmm
life sucks
today new record..2 sent and received messages
and oh i miss u
but ..
u also dont care already lah...no point
yknow what happens to a guy when he loses his girl?
he loses his purpose and direction in life
he goes blank
he becomes insane
haizzz
i've lost my direction and purpose in life
hilang tujuan dlm hidup..
well hu cares
anyway juz now morning ..woke up at 10
instantly remembered abt her
but juz couldnt do anything
quickly bathed and ate and use com a while
thn go cca
playd soccer for an hour...
and gosh i had a gd game...
scored about 3 goals
bleh...tired
sec 1's onli know how spam kick ur legs..and not the ball
and they juz attack u from all sides
how to play like that sial
ahhh nvm
Oh and Man U lost against Aston Villa
and idc cuz i still believe in man u
i mean
i've said this once and I'll say it again
Man Utd nvr fail to surprise..
so no worries
there'll be more positive surprises coming up
and i cant wait to watch sherlock holmes
and
i still havent got myself
the new shoe and bag tht i wanted
i shud chill
thrs still quite time
more importantly..
homework
welll
being left alone like this
now
in this situation
i got no motivation/power/energy/mood/feeling to do my homework
idk when i'll get my motivation back
haizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
seriously
i've just lost two people who are very important to me
they're like my backbone
they keep me standing on my feet
but kaboom
they're gone
and i cant think nuts!
life aint back to normal
idk what hit me
it just goes BOOM
and gone
everything i treasured just gone
now
its just me,my studies and my buddies
lets hope i'll survive
cuz i havent even touched my homework
and with my intellience lvl..
i dont think im gnna acheive anything
i suck big time manxzz
im so boring idk what to say
im so stupid i did so badly fr my exams
im so lazy i failed my science papers
im so immature i make magic my hobby
im so foolish i believed in telekinesis
im so fucked up cuz ive lost everything
and theres nothing left anymore
no one thr
im lonely.

Broken Wings-Alter Bridge
[CHORUS]
On broken wings I'm falling
And it won't be long
The skin on me is burning
By the fires of the sun
On skinned knees
I'm bleeding
And it won't be long
I've got to find that meaning
I'll search for so long

2009-12-13T19:19:00.003+08:00

haaaaiiizzz
sometimes i just close my eyes
and i ask myself
Why?
Oh why did all of these have to happen...
its utterly stupid and wrong to blame God..
its all my fault
thats what it is
all these didnt have to happen
everything could have been done differently
it could have worked out better...
im in a lose-lose situation...
idk what to do....
idk what will happen
idk
im sorry

and to that other someone..
hey..
im not stupid
i know ur ignoring me
and who cares
i'll ignore u too..

2009-12-06T18:19:00.002+08:00

you knew about it
bt u didnt help by keeping it quiet
when i made my mind up
u can bet on me to stick to my decision
you dont know how significant what i found out is to me
i've been lied to
my feeling played around with
im hurt too
bt im nt gnna do anything
cuz its allll my fault
if u wont accept me,im fine with it
i'll juz have to chill and concentrate on my stuff
i didnt lie to u frm the start
i always loved u
but she always came in between
she always messed things up
bt when i know the truth
things change
i can ignore the things she does
cuz
deep in my heart
i know what she really wants
and deep in my heart,i know i wont fall fr tht shit anymore
its ur decision
if ur feeling fr me is gone
thn dont force urself
i deserve it
and dw,cuz i wont be with her either
cuz it doesnt change the truth
i know what shes up to
and i will nvr fall for it
ever
if u dont trust me,i cant do anything
and if ur angry,its UR right
to vent it on me
if ur hurt,its UR right
to show it to me
dont hide it
cuz i deserve it
its ur call now

i wrote my post yesterday night
asking God for his guidance
and almost miraculously
God gave me the way
God showed me who is lying and who is not
and Im grateful.
but if u dont accept me,i wont force u
learn so much

2009-12-05T22:44:00.003+08:00

What should i do.....
its so unclear to me
idk what i want
idk how bad the consequences could be
idk whats gnna turn out wrong
why cant i find an answer in my heart
i try to follow my heart
but my heart is blind
blinded by the faith in everything
idk which road to take
idk what i shud do
its an equal arguement
and it breaks even
why cant i see the light
why is thr no clear solution

idk
if my feelings are being toyed around with
or if its genuine

idk
if i can accept u for what u are
and idk if i can stick with u

its nt really abt wanting
bt more about coping
either way
i've found a dead end
the real question now is
is it genuine?
is this real?
or is it juz sth to put aside once ur content

*i apologise if this post has made any1 hurt
cuz i dont mean to make any1 sound bad..sry*

2009-12-04T21:16:00.002+08:00

I'm sorry
its always been my fault
i wont pretend
bt i am hurt
yknow it was hard fr me
bt i was tryingg
and i took tht post off bcuz i changed my mind
bt thrs nothing i can do
u gave me many chances
u were always thr fr me
u taught me a lot
u gave me support
u cared fr me
u had sleepless nights thinking about me
and me too
thts why i changed my mind
bt i wasnt quick to show it
and its no use now

2009-12-04T18:12:00.002+08:00

helllloooooooooooooooo
im juz super bored today
hah..........gt sore throat..ouchh
hmmmm last few days were quite fantastic...
learn a lot from abg lutfi abt lots of things
soccer to friends to games to relationships to politics
powerr ahh
went his house aftr prayers...playd chess
and surprisingly won!
i dont play much chess and im nt usually gd at it
dk how win...
hah
aftr tht bored
lutfi gt scammed by his mum..
cuz his mum say she gg out aftr he come bak
bt she changed her mind HAHAHA
so aftr chess..drank teh susu and cabot..
woah...it feels quite comfortable at his house eh
hmmmmmm maybe cuz i was carefree?
ntahhh ahh
thn come bak..use com
bt mum say dont use so much so
now she rdy start nagging ahhh
omg
im excited!!!
tonight 7pm gt peter pan!!
hehehehehe
V^_^V
i love fantasy stories/movies/shows
gtg soon rdy
i'll probably still be online bt status shall be away
tmr gt cca..dk y excited
maybe cuz i wanna improve?
manzzzz
theres so much the future can hold for us
bt its allll juz unclear
what will happen...its juz something i always wanna know...
hahahahahahahahaha..WOW! random
okay lah
i give up..
idk whats gg on and idk what will happen
so i shall stick to what ever i have and chilllmax
gosh..
gtta learn to live with 3 things onli nxt yr
myself/her(hopefully,still nxt yr)/my studies
im nt juz worried abt my studies nxt yr
bt im aso worried abt being too stressed up..like one of my cuzz
i nid to find a way to relax when the time is right...
yknow im nt really the "merepek" kinda person
who can make himself laugh....
and yknow i dont have many "merepek" friends who can make me laugh
so.....takut arhhhh
sekali depressed abe do badly
somemore,its nt like i gt many hobbies perr
thn my kakak aso..bukan ajak keluar relak2
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
okay lah
bye peepz :)